Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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