When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
