My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize