I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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