I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
