Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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