Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
