We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
