just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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