I'm going to jail i love you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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