sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
