my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
