we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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