If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
