I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
