just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
