What did we do last night that was yellow?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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