i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
