u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
