I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
