Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
