The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
