i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
