I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
