i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
