"it" just moved
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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