How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
