Barsexuality is the new black.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
