Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize