I just pynch a tree in the face
one might say we're banned from that church
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
