nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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