Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
