3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
