I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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