I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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