Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
