My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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