in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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