I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
