At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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