Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
