Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
