my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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