Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
