I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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