i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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