in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize