Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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