You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
