oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
