if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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