if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
