we have pet lesbian snakes
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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