We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Randomize
