my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
