I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
