The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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