You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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