Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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