why didn't you poke me back
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
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