Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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