I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
