I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
