I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
