Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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