oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
