I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize