My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
