Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
