Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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