you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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