he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
