sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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