Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
