lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Every concussion has its silver lining
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
